So basically your 'brilliant reboot' of Lara Croft is to make her a safer male-gaze fetish object by repeatedly torturing and damaging her.- I can't entirely articulate why this disturbs me, but there's a nasty tone of salivating over the little girl in it.This enthusiasm wasn't just echoed by the " beautiful people" paid/bribed to sell the game - TR:Loli also won over long term fans as can be seen from this reaction on Twitter Īn earlier incarnation of sweet little Laura-san, when her "Daddy" was called Werner instead of Conrad. Needless to say the totally impartial teen computer journalists at E3 could hardly type left handed as they jizzed their enthusiasm. Yes Yes Yes.Oh.Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes.Oh.Oh.
#Tomb raider lara croft deaths movie
Their latest wizard wheeze is to introduce an underage (13) Eurasian girl named Laura-san into a Silent Hill/torture porn scenario involving pain, dirt, bondage and gasps that can be interpreted as orgasmic or agonised depending on what floats your boat.Įxclusively for ED (and not ripped off from the movie When Lara Met Conrad) Wikileak present part of the leaked script Laura-san is hung up in a cave and has to escape by setting fire to her own vag.ĭateline 062211 In order to make more monies, Square Penis have decided to go for the Japanese used panties demographic to try and claw back credibility after the failure of Tomb Raider Underpants to raise a semi. Doesn't star Angelina Jolie.Ī CGI scene from the wonderful new Tomb Raider Loli reporn. NEW!!! Tomb Raider: Ascension - fan made film that's not quite as good as The Cradle of Life. Neither movie had any distinguishable plot, beyond "grab old thing and shoot the fuck out of people." The movies are generally watched by sick fucks or nasty disgusting old whores who masturbate to either star. The second one has smaller tits and Gerard Butler. The first one is distinguished by Angelina Jolie's massive tits. Two incredibly crapass, artistic movies were made based on the games: Lara Croft, Tomb Raider and Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. However, as she is loaded from getting shitloads of cash from when her parents kicked the bucket, thus gaining the title 'Lady', she will eventually die in a car crash. Savaged to death by a variety of angry animals, including bats, rats, endangered species, and dinosaurs.One of the main selling points of the game is that players will often die over and over again because, unless they jump from an exact pixel and land on an exact pixel, THEY WILL DIE. But Eidos demolished the shit out of the site, and currently own the url.Įdios then did it themselves, giving Lara different outfits for players to jerk off to, including generic skin-tight catsuits and bikinis, culminating in a crotchless scuba suit for the forthcoming game Tomb Raider Underpants. They had found a niche market for people who wanted to jerk off to horrible triangular pixelated breasts that were made worse by equally bad nude hacks. To fill this need, in 1997 a site called Nude Raider developed nude patches for Tomb Raider 2. However, there are very few good artists who bother with her, so what we are left with is shitty 3-D renders from the same sick fuck who thinks having her shit out raccoons from her snatch is hot. As Lara Croft has tits, she is a clear subject for rule 34. Tomb Raider is a common masturbation tool for 13 year old boys who don't use the ED porn challenge. Disillusioned by the complete lack of creative control over his own character, Gard left Core. They were damn well going to take advantage of the most unique opportunity in marketing history: a virtual sex symbol. Toby Gard gave Lara big tits because he fancied his sister.Īs far as Eidos was concerned, Lara single-handedly took them from a $2.6 million deficit to a $14.5 million profit in just one year. It met with instant approval from the team before he could correct it.įrom. While making test adjustments to her girlish figure, a slip of his mouse turned an intended 50% increase to her breast size into a 150% gain. 14 Lara's "Special" DeviantART ShowcaseĬomplete realism wasn't possible, of course, and Gard intended Lara to have somewhat exaggerated dimensions from the start.9 Crystal Dynamics's "Tomb Raider" Gallery.8 Angel of Darkness versus Uncharted: the Great Debate.6 Working on Lara is good for your career.
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